Series: Navigating the World and Relationships
It was nights like this with the earthy scent of sex hanging in the air and darkness cocooning them in safety that encouraged pillow talk. Pillow talk of whispered secrets and fears; of hopes and of dreams. Even after years of being together, they could always learn something new about each other. Wrapping his arms around Chase, Jason whispered, “Talk to me. Tell me something.”
Jason felt Chase’s whole body still. He knew the stillness wasn’t due to fear; his boy was just trying to find the right words. Finally Chase whispered his thoughts, “I thought I’d have it figured out by now.”
Jason was usually pretty good at speaking ‘Chase’; understanding what he meant not just the words he spoke. However, he didn’t understand what Chase was trying to say. Keeping his voice soft, he asked, “Figured what out?”
He felt Chase shrug in his arms before he answered, “What to do with my life. Most men know what they are going to do by the time they are thirty; they have careers. I’m thirty now, and I don’t know if I’ll make it through the semester, let alone know what I want to do with the rest of my life.”
“Most men, huh? What did you do take a poll?” Jason asked. He knew Chase often felt that everyone had all the answers to life, and he didn’t. Jason also knew it was a product of Chase’s unstable childhood.
“You knew you wanted to be a teacher. Reed knew he wanted to be an O&M. William knew he wanted to be in business.” Chase sighed. “I don’t have a clue what I want to do. Three out of four guys know what they want.”
Jason tightened his arms around him and said, “I think you probably need to survey a few more people to make that a valid statement.”
“Maybe,” Chase whispered and they were both quiet. Then in a voice softer than a whisper, Chase spoke again. “I want you to be proud of me; proud to be with me.”
Startled, Jason wanted to reassure his insecure partner. “Chase, I am proud of you. I’m proud to have you by my side; to have you in my life.”
Jason didn’t need time to think over that question. “I’m proud of you, because you love so completely. Many people have a difficult time showing their love. You don’t. You are honest in your feelings. You laugh when you are happy. You cry when you are sad. You aren’t afraid of your feelings,” Jason spoke earnestly. Then when he couldn’t resist teasing Chase a little he continued, “You stomp bags of chips when you are angry. Ompf!”
Chase elbowed him and said haughtily, “I didn’t stomp them! I just opened a few bags and let the chips go free. Not really my proudest moment, huh?”
“No,” Jason agreed. “But Chase I don’t want you to ever doubt my pride and love for you.”
“Do you love me enough to go another round?” Chase teased.
Rolling over, Jason trapped Chase beneath him, captured his lips in a kiss, then whispered, “Always.”
Yes it was nights just like this that encouraged pillow talk.