Title: The Giving
Characters: Ken/Jess
Jess looked down and watched his knuckles turn white as he gripped the sink. He didn't know which would give out first, the kitchen sink or his knuckles. But he did know that Ken chuckling at Lane was going to have one or the other breaking. Lane, the wedding planner they had hired, had been there for several hours. Jess's patience had lasted less than an hour.
"Oh, honey-bear, I think you should listen to this song," Lane twittered.
Gripping a little tighter, Jess wondered when Ken became so comfortable with sickly sweet pet names. And he wondered when he started thinking words like "twittered". Oh yes, it was right after meeting Lane.
"Genesis isn't something we typically hear at a wedding, but this song just screams the two of you," Lane continued to gush over the music playing on his iPod.
Jess's fingers relaxed a fraction. Lane's voice had dropped several octaves since their first meeting. Jess was sure that it was Ken's commanding acceptance that had calmed the wedding planner down. Ken, with his easy going manner, had accepted Lane's flamboyant ways from the very first meeting. And of course, Lane fell completely in love with Ken.
"Jess, what do you think? You like this song?"
Ken's question interrupted his thoughts and had him turning back around to join in the wedding details. He hadn't been listening to the song, it didn't matter to him. "Um, yeah. Sure. I like it."
When Ken quirked an eyebrow and smirked, Jess knew that he hadn't fooled him at all. But once Jess started digging a hole for himself, nothing would do but to make the hole the full six feet deep. Squaring his shoulders, Jess held Ken's gaze and insisted, "It's the perfect song for us. For me and my honey-bear."
Well shit, I'm still digging my grave, Jess thought as the tolerant amusement left Ken's eyes. Then without breaking eye contact, Ken softly, almost menacingly, asked the wedding planner to start the song again.
Jess wanted to look at Lane when the smaller man squeaked, but Ken's gaze wouldn't let him. This time when the music started, Jess listened.
Stay with me,
My love I hope you'll always be
Right here by my side if ever I needed you
Oh my love
"Well?" Ken asked.
Jess had to swallow the lump that had settled in his throat. The lyrics described all of Jess's feelings for Ken. Feelings he could never articulate. Clearing his throat, Jess stated, "I like it."
"Great that's settled then!" Lane said. "We have the dinner planned, we have all five invitations sent and all have RSVP'd in the affirmative. A simple ceremony, but one that is absolutely perfect for the two of you. My work here is done. In two days, you'll be blissfully married."
"We never would have gotten this all together without you, Lane," Ken said giving the smaller man a big smile.
Jess wanted to roll his eyes when Lane blushed and twittered, "oh, you. You flatter me. It was all my pleasure. Oh! Speaking of pleasure, is the honeymoon all set?"
"Yeah. We can only take the weekend, but some friends are letting us use their cabin in the mountains," Ken replied.
"Oh, how romantic! A mountain retreat for lovers! Just perfect!" Lane gushed on as he stood up. "Well, now, I must be off. I'll have everything just perfect for your wedding."
Jess collected the coffee cups as Ken helped Lane gather his papers and walked him out to his car. By the time, Ken came back in Jess had rinsed out the cups and placed them in the dishwasher.
"You have to quit scaring him, you know," Ken said walking into the kitchen.
"Me? How can he be afraid of me? You're the big bad dom."
"And you are the sub who is snapping and snarling at him. We hired him to help us with the wedding, yet all you've done is scowl and glare at him. Have you changed your mind?" Ken asked.
"No!" Jess was quick to reassure Ken. The thought of legally sharing his life with Ken scared and excited him in equal measure.
Pulling out a chair, Ken nodded to it. Jess sighed, but sat down. He looked down at his hands clasped tightly together as Ken took a seat opposite him.
"Then what is it? Why are you trying to scare Lane off?" Ken asked.
"I want to get married. Fuck, I'm the one who proposed to you! I just didn't think about all this wedding crap." Jess hated feeling this nervous and scared. He didn't even know what he was afraid of.
"Quit thinking of it as a wedding. Instead think of it as a giving-."
"A giving? What are we going to give each other? Fuck! I don't even know what we are going to exchange!" Jess interrupted with a snarl. "The most fucking important part of the ceremony, and I don't have a fuckin' clue! This is stupid. I was stupid for even thinking I could get married."
"Get the paddle."
Jess's heart skipped a beat. Ken's tone was even, but the words he'd said were startling. "What?"
Ken look held steady. "Go get the paddle. We've been here before. It's nothing new, but I'll explain it to you again. Every time you tear yourself down, I will use the paddle to build you back up. Now. Go. Get. The paddle."
With a quick nod of his head, Jess pushed his chair back, stood, and walked down the hallway. Damn it, he thought. How do I get here so fucking quick! Stomping into the bedroom, he pulled open the bottom drawer of the nightstand and grabbed the paddle. Holding the piece of wood, he walked back to the kitchen.
"Here," Jess said, holding the paddle out.
"No, you hold it. You do better when your hands are busy." Ken's voice wasn't harsh, but the firmness in it gave Jess a comfort he never quite understood. "Now talk."
"Um. Er." Jess wanted to kick himself. Why the hell did he make things harder than they needed to be!
Ken's voice came close to harsh when he asked, "Why would you thinking getting married is stupid."
Jess looked at Ken and then shrugged his shoulders.
Ken pushed back from the table and stood up. When he held out his hand, Jess gave him the paddle.
"Hands on the table," was all Ken said.
Once Jess was slightly bent over, with his hands on the table, Ken gave him three quick swats. Jess's breath hissed out. It'd been several months since the wooden paddle had been used. The pain from it was much different than the sensual, erotic pain from the little, black leather paddle they used for play.
"Stand back up," Ken said almost conversationally. Like this was a normal conversation.
Oh, yeah, Jess thought as he stood up and turned around. This was normal for them.
"Why do you think it's stupid to get married?" Ken asked again.
"It just is!" Jess snapped. Then, when Ken just looked at him, he bent over again and placed his hands on the table. Three more sharp swats from the paddle landed on his ass.
"Stand up," Ken requested politely.
Jess stood and fought the desire to rub his backside. Turning around, Jess forced himself to meet Ken's eyes.
"Why is us getting married stupid?" Ken softly inquired.
The throbbing in his butt helped Jess to answer. "It's not stupid for us. It's stupid for me. How could I ever think someone would want to be with me forever? Why would you want to be with someone like me!"
"Like you?" Ken tilted his head. "What is 'like you'"?
Jess wanted to drop his eyes. He wanted the floor to open up and swallow him. Where was that grave he'd dug earlier?"
"Bend over again, please," Ken said calmly.
Slowly, Jess turned around and bent over the table. The three swats from the paddle were quickly administered. Breathing hard, Jess straightened his body.
"What is someone like you?" Ken asked.
"This," Jess said gesturing to the paddle. "Someone who needs this. Not just now. Or in the past, but forever. I'll always need this. How can I ask that of you?"
"You already asked it of me. Long ago. Well before we ever talked of marriage. And I answered. Do you think you are the only one who needs this, Jess? This is us. Together. Two parts that make a whole. How can you NOT ask that of me?"
Jess stared at Ken. He couldn't deny the impulse, Jess lunged at him. He wrapped his arms around his dom. His love. The fear in his heart melted when Ken arms came around him.
"I love you." Jess's words were only a whisper, but he knew Ken had heard them when his arms tightened even more.
After a few eternities of being held, Jess felt himself pushed back. Not out of Ken's arms, but enough that he could look him in the eye.
"What brought all this on?" Ken asked softly.
"I couldn't figure out what we should exchange. Rings are out, unless we want to only have nine fingers. A necklace would have to be hidden. A collar doesn't seem right," Jess glanced down and then back up at Ken. When Ken nodded, Jess continued, "some kind of card seemed too...I don't know. I couldn't think of anything that would be forever."
Ken gave him a hard kiss. "Sit."
Jess sat and watched as Ken opened one of the kitchen drawers. Rummaging through their "junk" drawer, he finally found what he must have been looking for. Jess watched him warily, determined not to squirm even though his ass still throbbed.
Ken came back to the table with an old receipt and a pencil. He sat down and drew a sideways number eight. "I've thought about what to exchange too. I was thinking this."
Jess picked up the paper and looked at it in confusion. "Eight? I don't get it."
"No, that's not the number eight. That's the sign for infinity," Ken looked at Jess. "I thought we could get matching tattoos. On our wrists. That way we can always see them and know that we were forever."
Jess swallowed hard, nodded his head, and croaked out, "that's perfect."
"You think? I asked around and found a good place. Some place that is safe and won't fuck it up. I thought we could go tomorrow and get them."
"Good plan," Jess agreed. Then he stood up and grabbed Ken's hand. "Tomorrow morning we'll go get them. Tonight I'd like you to love me."
Ken stood and with his hand still in Jess's, said, "tonight and forever." Then he pulled Jess down the hall into their bedroom.
*************************
Jess felt a sense of peace that he'd never felt before as he and Ken stood in front of the minister. The song they had chosen played softly in the background, their friends smiling at them, and the sun shining brightly.
Ken held out his hand. Jess could see redness and the top of the infinity tattoo peeking out under Ken's white dress shirt. Feeling the soreness in his own wrist, Jess reached out to take his hand. As soon as their hands were linked together, before they turned to exchange their vows, Jess heard Ken say, "Forever."
The End
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