Title: Conflict; Alex's POV
Series: Little Fantasies
Alex walked into the kitchen, leaving Julien to unwind after a long day at work. And if he was honest with himself, this bit of space gave Alex a chance to get some control over his own emotions.
Ever since that Valentine's Day when he'd taken Julien over his knee for the first time, Alex had struggled with what was enough dominance for them. Alex knew he'd always been a take control kind of guy, even as a kid, he'd always been the team leader. No, he hadn't always done the right thing in life but when he did mess up, he admitted to it. He also hoped he learned from his past mistakes. And when about a year into their relationship, Julien started "accidentally" leaving his computer open to spanking websites, Alex knew Julien wanted to Alex to take control in some way. Alex had taken Julien over his lap for a mock punishment. Alex had lowered his tone and scolded Julien as he spanked him. They had played many times after that first time.
Play soon became real when Alex had suggested a spanking that was something other than sexual foreplay. They began to use spanking as a tension release and relief from guilt. Alex liked that they used the physical aspects of discipline. Spanking seemed to give them both a proprioceptive feedback; Julien in his butt and Alex in his hand.
However, it was on days like today that Alex struggled. Julien was obviously stressed and tense from a long day at work and wanted to just calm down. The problem was that Alex's dominant warning system was blaring out an emergency.
Exhaling the breath he'd been unaware he'd been holding, Alex opened the pantry and got out the tomato soup he was supposed to be making for Julien. After opening the can, Alex dumped the contents into a sauce pan and placed it on the back burner. He gathered the ingredients for the grilled cheese that was mandatory with tomato soup. As he started to cook the sandwich on an iron skillet, Alex started hearing grumbles from the living room.
Damn it, he thought to himself. Julien's probably looking at some news sites. The news had been filled with war, disease, and famine the past few weeks. More so than usual. Julien seemed to take the suffering of others very seriously and when he was tired, it was worse.
As the late night dinner finished cooking, Alex fought down the surge of dominance that only wanted to protect his man. Protect him with a firm swat on his ass, Alex thought. He'd told Julien not to look at anything that would upset him. That's a spanking offense, Alex told himself, giving an excuse to spank Julien. He didn't listen and obey me. Suddenly Alex stopped. He didn't need an excuse. Julien had given him permission, had all but put out neon flashing signs showing that he wanted Alex's dominance to reign him in at times.
Picking up the mug he'd poured the soup in and the paper plate with the grilled cheese sandwich, Alex stalked back into the living room. He placed the small meal on the coffee table that Julien's feet were propped on.
Giving the feet a push, Alex said, "Turn it off. Now. And eat."
"I've been online less than 30 minutes!" Julien protested.
"And I said turn. It. Off," Alex commanded. The need to take control was raging inside him and he'd decided to let it go. If Julien truly didn't want to submit tonight, he'd back away. But Alex knew that Julien wouldn't push Alex away. He knew that Julien took comfort in Alex's dominance. All day at work, Julien was the boss. Julien made decisions that impacted the lives of people, so when he came home, he felt he could relax and let Alex be the boss. Alex remembered the night Julien had confessed these desires. Julien's eyes had held a bit of hope that Alex would understand and Alex saw that same bit of hope in Julien's eyes now.
Reaching over, Alex took the laptop off of Julien's lap. Turning it off, he then placed it on the shelf at the bottom of the coffee table.
"You're tired and stressed out; the news sites you look at will just depress you," Alex said matter of factly.
"Seriously, Alex? I'm a grown man! I can-"
Alex cut off Julien's rant. "We just established that a few minutes ago, I don't want a rerun. It's late. You're tired. And I'm making the decisions."
Alex sat next to Julien and watched his lover's inner struggle. He waited patiently letting Julien make the final decision as to how the night would end. He was rewarded with his patience when he saw Julien's shoulders drop from up around his neck. Alex knew that Julien had always worn his stress and tension in his neck and shoulders. When the shoulders dropped to their normal position, Julien had let the tension go.
"As tense as you are, I wonder if you're not coming down with something," Alex said. Sometimes Julien liked the use of the rectal thermometer; it gave him a feeling of vulnerability.
Alex met Julien's eyes when Julien turned to him and said, "No, I'm sure I'm not coming down with anything."
Alex nodded. Julien meeting his eyes and not hesitating with his answer told Alex all he needed to know. Julien didn't need that kind of vulnerability tonight.
"Ok. But you are tired. Eat up and go take a shower," Alex said sternly. "Then its time to call it a night. You are exhausted."
He watched as Julien picked up the sandwich and dipped it into the soup. Alex could feel the conflict inside of him start to settle down. Dominance was winning and it seemed like that was just fine with Julien.